“We impose meaning on ‘facts’” – yes, ‘facts’ do not necessarily have ‘meaning’. The Sun burns itself without meaning and purpose, the stars revolve without meaning and purpose -- we impose meaning on meaningless facts – or the facts have different meaning other than what we have perceived. One of the uniqueness of man is their preference for ‘meaning’.

Discern it well, my brethren – what you are pursuing is the ‘facts’ per se, or the ‘meaning’ you imposed? In some case, the ‘meaning’ may be ultimately irrelevant to the ‘facts’, or even opposite to it!

The love for meaning and the love for fact are different kinds of love. I can say the love for meaning is merely the love for you yourself, a selfish love.

Until now, the ‘meaning’ I’ve been talking about is the ‘meaning’ derives from ‘facts’ and what I despise is those who cannot discriminate what is ‘meaning’ and what is ‘fact’, those who are confused about actually what they love. In such love, what they are concerning is to what extent the facts they are 'loving' can fulfil their 'meaning'! Maybe they don't even love what they are 'loving'! There is another kind of ‘meaning’, however -- the meaning without ‘fact’, which is articulated purely by mind and irrelevant to the 'facts' from the outset. The love for this kind of meaning is equally genuine to the love for pure facts. The logic behind this is a convergence – the existence of the ‘facts’ per se is its meaning and if a ‘meaning’ is without ‘fact’ then the meaning itself becomes a fact.

But which one is better? Which kind of love is superior? I don’t know. It’s quite likely that it just depends on personal preference. My preference is the love for facts. Love for those who really exist and love for their existence per se.

 

  

  Man is a conflict, a confusion. Oh, the Earth has a disease on its skin, the name is Man. And in Man, there is a parasite – the name is Mind or – Spirit!

  The Spirit is a disaster for the Flesh and the Flesh is the bondage for the Spirit.

  Oh God, where is the reconciliation? God are you here?

听着巴赫的《马太受难曲》。不知道在这个崇尚花里胡哨的时代，老巴赫还有多少忠实的听众，而不管怎么样，巴赫的音乐却总是我最忠实的朋友。巴赫最感人的还是他的宗教音乐，可惜我不信教，我很想坚信点什么，可是世界上似乎没什么可坚信的——“存在先于本质”，一切皆出于偶然，unbearable freedom——就像每晚钻进我房间的飞虫，他们凭着一点微光从狭小的窗缝钻进了我的房间，可他们的智力却不足以引导他们走出我的昏暗的房间，回到本来属于他们自己的世界——他们钻进我的房间，只有死路一条——不是世界上没有可信的东西，只是我们的智慧无法告诉我们该相信什么？

今天我要谈的不是自由，而是不自由。作为一种审美概念的不自由。虽然我不信上帝，不信教，但巴赫的音乐还是让我感动流涕。对基督来说，一切都是写好了的——“福音书上说了，鸡鸣时分，你将背叛我三次”，可是我让你背叛，这是我的命运，你的背叛甚至是我的幸福。“福音书上说了，我将被钉死在十字架上”，可是我不躲避，我主动背起我死亡的十字架，死亡的十字架是我美丽的归宿。

可是对基督来说，凡死亡者必定复活，对我们普通人来说呢？

痛苦、不审美——对人来说其实没有自由，也没有不自由，有的只是无知和混乱。

唔，“地狱天堂皆在人间”，但我们没有能力选择！

  Man! Avoid any effeminate sentiments! Being strong is obligatory! The Sun is always bestowing without his heat and light diminished. Be an Empire, mobile, exploit and conquer; not a fortress – you are too poor and have nothing to defend! 

1.       Afternoon coffee and cigarette – you do something persistently doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve been addicted to it. Rather, you Need something which can be addicted to, you want to be addicted to something voluntarily, you Find something to be addicted to – something you can flirt with all the day – you can’t always get what you really want, intensely need, then you turn into something you can easily acquire – in my case, coffee and cigarette.

2.       今天起床一看帐户,被盗的钱全部追回来了,很开心. 

One day I say happiness relies on reality. Another day I find it doubtful. I ask myself “maybe phantom is more lovable?” For phantom is perfect, it will not disappoint you; it is made by yourself, static, it only changes as you change; it’s your most faithful. Lo, it is You! For man, it is the woman inside his body -- it is a perfect woman. For woman, it is the man inside her body – it is a perfect man. It will not despise you as you will not despise yourself. It will not forsake you as you will not forsake yourself.

The love with phantom is not a higher love, however. It’s a painful love, a tragedy, beautiful maybe, but utterly unhealthy. It’s a substitute for an overflowing heart who finds no Companion in the reality. But man, how many of you could find your true Companion? 

  这是我在别人space的一则回复，我觉得，这也是我一向的观点，所以也粘贴到自己的space里吧！ （英文若有语法错误，万请见谅，我是中国人，但有时候觉得某些内容，用英文表达更有力度。。。）

 

  Sometimes freedom and the euphoria accompanied in the process of pursuing freedom -- though in most of the cases are only illusive – is worth the price of your life if it is so hard to get. In many cases, it’s a matter of aesthetic rather than normative and it's a splendid and expensive commodity for a selected few. We normal people will not understand these Free individuals.

 

　　与自由对立的，在哲学上说是“命定”（free will vs. determinism)，在政治上说是“专制”(democracy vs. totalitarianlism, authoritarism....) 。。。。。。。。。。。。。呃，本来又写了一大堆，后来看了一下乱其八糟，有碍观瞻，写不下去了，干脆全删掉就这样吧。。。在某人的刺激下，本来想喝２口酒好睡觉，一冲动，又把半瓶酒喝掉了。。。罪过罪过。。。。这篇文字跟我现在的心情没有丝毫关系，只是２天前给别人的一个回复而已，突然抽风，又睡不着觉，所以贴到自己的space。。。。我这段时间，除了论文以外，心情实在是好得不得了。。。。

Galatea

 

阿芙洛狄特的礼物

美丽，优雅

她是一个幸运

还是一个诅咒？

 

眩晕之后

致命的金箭

已插入心脏

 

我喷薄的鲜血

可有玷污你洁白的裙角？

 

（*Galatiea是Pygmalion的妻子。Pygmalion，希腊神话中人物，塞浦路斯国王，热爱雕塑，雕了一个少女并且爱上了她，其诚感动了女神阿芙洛狄特，后者将雕像变为真人，并与Pygmalion相爱。）